Her Name is Noelle
by Sublime Angel
Summary: For those who cannot love, to love is a truly painful thing. For those who cannot love but do, the loss of love is far greater than the pain of first loving...and still we love. And yet we are weakest when we do. Love will be our greatest downfall.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own.

**A/N:** This is my first attempt at writing a TB fic. At the point in time when I originally wrote this, I had just I recently acquired the series and watched it out completely. The episodes covered by this fic are some of my favourites, though they were some of the saddest in the series. And while the ending left much to be desired, this series will always hold a special place in my heart.

**P.S.** someone please let me know if I got the Genre wrong. I really wasn't sure if this would qualify as angst.

* * *

_I write this fic and dedicate it to anyone who has ever lost a person they loved,_

_whether in death or a lost friendship or an old lover._

_We never forget those we love, no matter what happens after we part._

_

* * *

_

**Trinity Blood**

**Her Name is Noelle…**

Her name was Noelle.

I remember her clearly, like it was just a few moments ago that she was with me.

I remember that day too vividly for comfort.

I find no comfort now.

This life…this work…this job…

The last remnants of my peace have left me.

I could not save her, her that loved me…without hesitation.

I could not save one closest to me…again.

This life has begun to lose control once again.

For all my wisdom, I could not have protected her from that which tore us apart.

For all my strength, I could not shield the one I truly wished to save.

For all my power I have no power.

* * *

**+oOoOoOo~Flashback~oOoOoOo+**

_The sunset was beautiful. He couldn't remember the last time he felt so relaxed, with nothing really to do._

"_This is delicious,"_

"_Umm, Miss Noelle…don't you think you're drinking a little too much?"_

"_Excuse me?" she called to the waiter._

"_Yes!"_

"_I'll have this sherry next," Noelle said, her voice slurring as she spoke._

"_Very well," the man replied and left to get her drink._

_Abel closed his eyes and sighed loudly in defeat, his shoulders slumping visibly._

"_What's wrong?" she asked, "You're not eating at all. This is not good, you know…It's part of our investigation, after all…"_

"_Uh, how should I put this…Thanks to you, Miss Noelle, both my heart and my stomach are quite full today, so…"_

_It was quite obvious she had missed the undertones in his comment or he supposed she would have been rather insulted by that._

_He was cut off abruptly by the sound of her chair scooting over right next to his. He opened his eyes and screamed out in surprise at the sight of her face staring right up into his._

"_Uh-aah! M-Miss Noelle."_

"_Abel…"she said quietly._

"_Hai?_

"_I had fun today," she said and her head fell against his chest._

"_Uh, M-Miss Noelle?"_

_She smiled and then looked up at him._

"_Hey, Abel-kun?"_

"_Hai?"_

"_Do you like me?"_

"_Hai…" he answered without even thinking, "…huh?" as it dawned on him what she had just asked._

_She smiled tenderly at his little Freudian slip._

"_What?!" he cried out._

_He looked down at her and smiled nervously, laughing at his little out._

_~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~_

_They walked along the beach. It was beautiful at this time of day, with the sun setting. The sand and sea were both bathed in a soft but brilliant orange and pink light. The atmosphere exuded a complete feeling of peace and relaxation. Staring out at the ocean before them, Abel felt as though his mind was being cleared of all the things that had been weighing down on him earlier._

_Noelle gazed at the sun with a hand shading her eyes. She felt truly happy at that moment, being alone with him, without having to worry about a mission. She turned to Abel. His expression was a mixture of sadness and deep thought. He started a little when he realized she was staring at him._

"_Hh, uh…"_

_It was rather endearing. He always did have that odd but funny air of uncertainty about him._

"_So, aren't you going to ask me how I feel about you?" she asked suddenly._

_She gazed at him calmly, her face wearing a questioning but composed look. She wasn't pressing for answers, it was more of a request that he could fulfill if he desired but her intent was not to pressure him into admitting anything. Noelle just wanted to know._

_Nothing more._

"_I-I…" he sounded a little flustered._

_He still had the same slightly sad look on his face, as though he could not tell her what he knew she wished he would say, what he knew she would want to hear, what he knew he should say, in case he was never able to ever again. But could he tell her? Would he be able to say it?_

_He was warring inside. And maybe his eyes conveyed that. The only response he could give in return was voiceless._

_The moment stayed that way with silence between them, the breeze blowing through his hair, rustling hers, their eyes locked in quiet communication. _

_She held his gaze, never taking her eyes off his. She didn't falter, not once. But he still didn't give an answer. Noelle's eyes softened and then she blinked, her eyes dropping slightly. _

"_Ummm…"_

_The sound of the radio interrupted them and she turned away from him as he spoke to Miss Kate through his ear receiver. She looked at him from the corner of her eye as he received the incoming information, her gaze tender, and slightly longing. She felt a sadness inside her that she knew she had brought upon herself so it was not surprising._

_You idiot…_

_~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~_

"_Hey, why are you saying something mean like 'go back by yourself'?!" she told him as they walked back to the hotel where they were staying._

"_It's absurd for you to carry out reconnaissance in that state._

_She grabbed his hand and pulled him forward to the door, in the light._

"_But why?" she complained, hands on her hips as she spoke, "If we split up and investigate the Sagrada Familia and that 'whatever Pharmaceuticals' company, then, it'll finish much faster, won't it?"she fumed, her eyes crinkled with anger at his not wanting her to go, her hands outstretched and clenched into tight fists._

_He just stood there in silence, not knowing what to say, as she chided him out of annoyance more than anything else._

"_Geez. You're such a worrywart, Abel," she murmured, falling against him wearily, taking hold of his front lapels to steady herself._

_His hands dropped to his sides._

"_But, you're so drunk. I can carry out the investigation on my own. And anyone, not just me, would be worried about you right now, Miss Noelle," his gaze less serious and more concerned now as he spoke._

_Her eyes, which had automatically closed with tiredness when she fell against him, now opened when he said that._

"_I'm the same too you know," she said, her voice softer and her grip tighter on the front of his coat._

"_Eh?" he asked in confusion._

"_I worry about you all the time, too, Abel," Noelle said into his chest, her words vibrating against the material of his clothes._

_He let out a small sound of surprise. She worried about him? His eyes widened in disbelief. It seemed to be his trademark look for today apparently._

_They both stood there, in the empty street, outside their lodging place, her holding onto him, their shadows lengthening on the road from the tall street lights overhead._

"_So, tell me…am I all that untrustworthy?" she whispered, her eyes wrought with sadness._

_He brought up his hands to rest on her shoulders. She gazed at the material of his long overcoat in silence. These little moments wrenched the strings of her heart more than any other, when he was right there in front of her, so close but still…_

_Abel looked down at her._

"_That's not true. Of course I trust you, Miss Noelle," his gaze was gentle and compassionate as he laid eyes on her._

_He smiled as she raised hers up to look at him._

"_Is that so?" she asked, pushing herself off of him and turning her back to face him, "In that case, place your confidence in me, Abel-kun!" she said to him stoutly._

_He stood there, with that surprised look on his face yet again, hands still frozen in the air where she had just been standing seconds ago in his arms. _

_Facing away from him was the only thing she could do to prevent him from seeing the look of sadness in her eyes and on her face. She would never cry or show weakness in his presence, never. He made her feel stronger and she prayed to god that she would stay that way in front of the man standing before her._

_Him who had the power to make her weaker than anything with neither a touch, not a word, nor even a look, but simply with the knowledge of his presence, his being near her._

"_Okay? If you follow me in, I'll never talk to you again!"_

_The place was completely dark now. Night had fallen and was upon them._

"_Okay," he replied, and she turned to walk off to her room but he stopped her again._

_She froze in midstride._

"_Miss Noelle, if anything happens, get in touch with me immediately."_

_Her face fell and she spun around to look sharply at him._

"_If you contact me persistently, I'll never talk to you again either," she threatened and glared at him with hard eyes._

_He really did worry too much! And if he kept worrying about her he could jeopardize the mission!_

"_Very well. Then I'll go to Sagrada Familia," he conceded, sensing he was fighting a losing battle with her, "Be careful, Miss Noelle," were his parting words._

_She watched him walk off into the dark night. His face once again bore that saddened expression._

"_Idiot! Why can't you just say, 'Okay, I'll leave things to you then'?"_

_She closed her eyes and walked off in the opposite direction._

_~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~_

_The sound of the radio came in._

"_Hello, Abel, where are you right now?"_

"_Miss Noelle? I'm at Sagrada Familia right now. More importantly, are you alright? For you to contact me…"_

"_Yeah, I just learned something interesting. Can you come over immediately?"_

"_So, what is it that you found interesting?"_

"_Hold your breath… The President of Dominic Pharmaceuticals is well camouflaged, but…apparently, it's James Barrett!_

"_What was that?!" Abel exclaimed._

_Barrett?! The same creepy old guy in the picture? The one responsible for creating the fairy children they had fought on the island? The man responsible for the Tinkerbell Technology device in the bell tower?_

"_It's true," she replied, "I found reconstruction blueprints for Sagrada Familia drawn up by Barrett himself."_

"_But why would Barrett be in this city?" he wondered._

"_We can't know that unless we ask him in person, right?" she interjected._

_The jolt of the elevator stopping cut off his response. The doors opened and he stepped out into a huge dark room. As he stepped into the lone dim ray of light in the room the first thing that met his eyes was the sight of blood splattered on the ground._

"_Blood!"he gasped out._

_He gaze trailed up to the ceiling._

"_James Barrett?" he gasped again, seeing the dead body attached to a rafter high up above him._

"_What happened, Abel?!" Noelle exclaimed through the earpiece, hearing his disturbed gasps, "What about Barrett?"_

"_No, umm…" he stuttered for a reply that wouldn't scare her._

_The sound of an organ playing cut him off. He looked up and saw a huge, golden, grand organ before him, and a long-haired individual seated at its keyboard, playing a loud melodious tune._

"_I bid you welcome, Father," a voice said, and then music stopped, its owner turning to face him._

_Abel gasped out in surprise again._

"_It is really a killjoy when the only companion sharing my lovely melody…is the corpse of a foolish old geezer. Please enjoy tonight's musical performance to your heart's content."_

"_You murdered Barrett, didn't you?" Abel said to the man._

"_He committed a serious breach of contract in the business we were conducting, and thus faced the consequences," the tall man replied, standing up from where he had previously been seated, "That is all."_

"_What have you…Don't move. I don't know who you are, but…I am going to restrain you on the charge of murdering Barrett!" Abel told him, as he made motions to move towards Abel._

_The pale, dark-haired man smiled._

"_Oh, my apologies. My name is Kampfer. Issak Fernand von Kampfer, of the Rosenkreuz Orden. Court Rank, Magus. Title, Panzer Magier. Pleased to meet you," and he bowed slightly._

_Abel's eyes narrowed._

"_Rosenkreuz Orden…" he whispered._

_~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~_

"_Abel? Hey, Abel?! Geez. Exactly who's worrying whom here?" she said aloud in the darkness._

_Noelle got up from the table where she had been sitting. As she moved, a sheet of paper she hadn't noticed before caught her attention._

"_Why is this over here?" she mused in shock._

_~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~_

"_We assist those who are…unsatisfied with the world and wish to reform it. That is our Orden's 'business'."_

"_In other words, you carry out terrorist activities," Abel surmised._

_The Magus continued on._

"_This time, in order to answer to the request of a certain person, we commissioned Barrett to develop a certain weapon."_

"_That is why you killed him?" the blond, long-haired priest asked him._

"_Since the all-important weapon is now complete, our business with him is settled. It ended without us having to lose our trust in him…"_

_Abel's head shot up as the pieces finally fell together._

"_Don't tell me… The destruction of the art gallery was carried out by you people?!"_

_Kampfer didn't respond. He just turned once again to the organ's keyboard and sat down to resume his playing._

"_I hereby arrest you on the charges of murder and the destruction of public property. Where is the weapon that destroyed the art gallery?" Abel demanded._

_The vampire's eyes slanted slyly and he eyed Abel from their corner._

"_Oh, but you're already looking at it."_

"_Hu-h…" Abel exclaimed in confusion._

_Nimble fingers began to ring out a thunderous melody on the keys. The bells began to toll loudly and the place began to shake. Realization came crashing down on Abel like a crumbling building._

"_Don't tell me that organ is…?"_

"_That's right. This is Professor Barrett's greatest masterpiece, The Silent Noise System."_

_~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~_

_The entire country began to quake as the notes rang out. The ground shook violently. This would a collapse of a far grander scale than the art gallery! Huge buildings began to give way and crumble as the music raged on._

_The building Noelle was in began shaking._

"_W-what?" she cried._

"_Stop the performance immediately. If not, I will shoot." Abel threatened Kampfer, aiming his gun at the back of the vampire's head._

"_Oh, but I can't do that. This is business-related, after all. Our client wishes to see the destruction of a city with Silent Noise in operation at maximum output."_

"_What was that?!" Abel exclaimed, his eyes widening in shock._

_But Kampfer did not reply or take any notice. He continued his playing. A huge dark red and black ray shot out from his body towards Abel and eight dark, shadowy figures with red eyes and horns on their heads appeared around him, boxing him in, in a circle formation. _

"_Hey, Abel, what's wrong? What is this trembling here?" Noelle asked worriedly through the radio._

"_Miss Noelle! I'm fine, so please just run away from there…and from this city!" he shouted to her anxiously over the radio._

_The shaking of the earth was becoming worse. Pieces of the ceiling had begun caving in around her. Noelle hid next to a think sturdy box or crate of some sort._

"_Alright…there…please run away…" his voice was breaking up._

"_What? What are you saying? I can't quite hear you!" she responded._

_Noelle could hardly hear him over the rumbling and crashing noises interfering with the transmission. More and more rubble began falling. Her eyes fell on another sheet of paper with yet another design/blueprint on it for some sort of device._

"_Hey, Abel. Just listen to this. I found an important blueprint."_

_Houses and buildings all over Barcelona started falling apart, crumbling like little paper houses. Wide cracks appeared all over, taking down more buildings with their appearances._

_"The blueprints don't matter one bit! Hurry up and run away!" he shouted at her._

_One of the shadowed creatures flew at him, hitting him in the stomach and slamming him into one of the huge, tall pillars behind him. He slumped to the floor, flitting close to unconsciousness._

"_M-Miss Noelle…run away…" was his last whisper._

"_If you're going to miss out on hearing the melody I have prepared for this beautiful night, then I guess it's fine for you to reflect upon your powerlessness there." Kampfer told him as he played on._

_Scenes of that man holding her head in his hands before his face flashed before his eyes. Abel crying over his beloved's dead body. His face hardened and he grit his teeth._

"_I cannot lose anything anymore," Abel said to himself, pushing himself up from off the floor._

_His eyes narrowed to thin, angry, cold blue slits._

"_Because that is what I promised her."_

_The music stopped and Kampfer turned to face Abel. He laughed a little. It was time to play a little._

_One by one, houses, buildings, castles, and various other sites crashed to dusty pieces all around them. The entire country would be completely destroyed soon! The smoke and clouds of dust outside were so black and dark it was getting hard to see anything at all._

"_Crusnik, 02. Initiating operation at 40% limit…Acknowledged."_

_Abel's eyes began to glow red._

"_What…?" Noelle let out, in a small terrified whisper as the roof began to shatter and come down over her head._

"_Stop it!" Crusnik screamed loudly._

_Five of the red-eyed horned creatures flew at him together. He swung his ---- towards them, destroying them all in one go with a wide sweeping slash. They were dead in an instant!_

"_Kampfer!" he screamed in a loud, violent, rage-filled voice._

_Crusnik ran towards the Magus in a heated frenzy, slicing the remaining three creatures to shreds, ready to slaughter him mercilessly. The vampire chuckled knowingly. Crusnik jumped into the air, his murderous cries filling the darkness and echoing throughout the vast room. His ----- tore through the air and came down over the object of his intentions, ripping through the organ like a knife on butter…Kampfer had disappeared!_

_Crusnik blinked as the smoke cleared to reveal no slain vampire. He turned his head to the side, searching for his soon-to-be-dead enemy. Kampfer stood at the other end of the room, floating a good few feet off the ground in the air. He chuckled again and then sighed mockingly._

"_It seems that quite a lot of people have died again, Father Nightroad. It's a shame, but I don't have the time to play with you right now," and his eyes narrowed deadly, "since the client is waiting for us."_

"_Wait!" Crusnik screamed, hurtling towards Kampfer as fast as he could._

_He would not let that bastard get away so easily!_

_Kampfer laughed freely again, and began to disappear into the darkness._

"_Let's meet again, Father Nightroad. No, Mr. Abel," his voice called, echoing in the corners even after he had gone._

_The organ was smoking, the dust finally settling a bit. The castle was silent once more. The bells had stopped ringing. It was all over. Everything was still again._

_Crusnik drove his ----- into the ground with a loud metallic ring. He fell to his knees. Painful sobs coursed through the dark recesses of the room. Bloody tears fell to the ground; each one a drop of his soul bleeding out into the earth for the sorrow he felt inside at that moment could not be contained within._

_~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~_

_Abel was frozen there, fallen to his knees on the ground, tears falling freely, his hands clenched into tight angry fists. He raised his head and released a loud anguished cry, Crusnik's inner torment freed at that moment as well._

**+oOoOoOo~End-of-Flashback~oOoOoOo+

* * *

**

"Shall I prepare some tea?"

"No, that's alright. The Presidium of Cardinals has judged the incident in Barcelona to be an independent act of hostility on Barrett's part," Caterina told the four gathered in her private office.

"Is that the official stance they are taking?"

"Are you saying that a single individual was able to carry out that much devastation? That is an extremely childish falsehood!" Kate asked.

"It's always like this, isn't it? Rosenkreuz will not come out in the open at any cost," the Professor said.

Caterina closed her eyes, deep in thought.

"Aren't we being a little too calm about this, William?" Kate replied.

"It's not like I'm calm about it. She was a good kid… That Noelle."

He paused, realizing what he had just said. The others were silent, all faces grim and straight.

"The search for Noelle's remains is still underway."

"Hurry it up."

"Very well."

"The only saving grace is that after seeing the reality of the devastation in Barcelona, even my brother had to admit that this was a declaration of hostilities against Rome."

"No wonder the cops were swarming around on my way here from the vacation house," Dandelion said.

"There's a reason for that," Father Havel said, "Today, the Archbishop of Cologne, Alfonso D'Este, has returned to Rome after five years."

"Oh? The D'Este who lost to His Holiness, the Pope?" Dandelion asked, and then as an afterthought, "Come to think of it, where is that all-important quack of ours?"

"His present whereabouts are unknown."

"Whereabouts unknown?" Dandelion exclaimed in disbelief.

How could they not know where their own Crusnik was?

"Abel must be in Rome!" Caterina interceded, "In his last communiqué, he handed over all information pertaining to the next possible hostile act and Silent Noise over to me. For Noelle as well, there is only one thing he can do. I'm sure that he is in Rome. We have to find him at all costs!"

"Let's go, Gunslinger!" Dandelion said, leaving the room.

"Positive!" the soldier replied, following behind him.

Wordsworth watched the two leaving and smiled to himself before making his own exit. Kate's hologram disappeared shortly after. Caterina and Havel were alone now.

"Everything…is my fault," she said quietly.

Her beautiful face was furrowed with despair.

"Your Excellency, please don't take it so much to heart," Father Havel told her gently, "Because it is not your fault. It is alright to cry in front of me," he assured her.

The woman looked up at him with deeply saddened but grateful eyes.

"That's right. We've been together for more than ten years now, right? Havel, thank you…"

* * *

The rain poured steadily outside the Vatican's walls.

"Father Wordsworth…" Esther called, running up to him.

"Hmm?" he said, moving his head slightly to acknowledge her.

"Umm…I heard about Miss Noelle. Is there… Is there anything that I can do?

He turned to look at her and answered as he did so.

"Yes, there is. Right now, every helping hand counts."

She smiled in relief that she would be able to help, "Okay."

* * *

The rain poured down on a long-haired individual as he emotionlessly walked through the streets. As he passed he could hear the whispers of the people around him on the bridge. He kept his head down and didn't bother to even acknowledge anyone around him.

Abel found himself at the fountain in the middle of the square. He sat on the railing around it, soaked to the bone but he did not care. His head was down and his eyes were lowered. He felt empty, completely hollow, purposeless and miserable…as gray as the sky above him and more.

Suddenly the rain stopped. His eyes flicked upwards slightly. Esther was standing before him, holding an umbrella over them both. He seemed not to see her at all.

She noticed his emotionless expression and didn't know what to say at first. Then she smiled.

"Father… You returned, after all… Just as Lady Caterina said. Everyone is worried, let's go back?"

He didn't reply, neither did he even look at her. She blinked and her eyes widened slightly at his lack of response. Her face was etched with concern.

"What's wrong?" she asked him.

He still didn't acknowledge her. The rain dripped from his hair and his clothes, little drops sliding down his nose. He remained silent.

"Thanks to what you told us, we're investigating all the bells in Rome. Everyone is doing their best to protect Rome. You came back because you didn't want this city to end up like Barcelona, right?"

She was cut off by him getting up abruptly and walking away from her.

"Father…" she whispered, as she watched him turn his back on her and leave.

She could only pretend to imagine what it was he must be feeling. He seemed so sad, so lost, so out of place.

* * *

Night had fallen. The sky was beautiful. The rain had stopped falling. The two moons shone brightly in the star-filled sky. Catherina stood waiting. She knew he would come and for what reason he would. His shadow approached. Her head fell. The double moons shone down on his lone figure coming up in the courtyard.

"Good evening, Abel…"

"I'm sorry… I…"

"You have nothing to apologize for," she said, cutting him off, "We both… For Noelle's sake as well…"

This time she was the one cut off, by the sight of him removing his ID and gun. Her lips formed a small 'o' in surprise as he did so. Abel held them out to her.

"What are you trying to do?" she asked, feeling as though she was watching all of this go on from outside her body.

The empty, expressionless mask had been firmly put in place on his face.

"Abel…are you saying that you are quitting AX?" Caterina continued, her eyes and heart equally sad and heavy.

The look in his eyes was enough to break her heart. She had never seen him look so, so…broken…before. It was a haunting sight. Abel Nightroad was normally a man all smiles and jokes and silly antics, naturally happy. This truly was a disturbing sight to see that same man devoid of any feeling or traces of emotion now before her.

"Because you couldn't save Noelle? You came back to Rome. Was that not to fight against them?"

He stooped to the ground and placed them before her feet.

"What about the promise you made me ten years ago?" she persisted, "I will not forget what you told me."

His eyes closed and he got to his feet and turned away from her.

"Abel!" she called.

He stopped in his tracks.

"People are inconsistent living beings. If you call yourself a murderer, then I am the same."

He began to walk again, not even turning once to look at her. He would not speak.

"Are you really alright with that?" she whispered after him.

She stood and watched him leave, a helpless expression on her face. What else could she do? She could not force him to stay. He would not be made to stay.

* * *

I lost everything the day I lost her.

I lost the remaining shards of a heart that I had left.

But now as I sit here, where we first met, and I listen to the falling of the water in the fountain behind me, it feels as though she is right here with me. Like she was that day we had dinner at the café by the sea.

And if I look up I will see her standing there, looking at me the way she used to. I will see everything that I have not seen in so long staring right there at me…in her eyes.

And if I wish hard enough, I can feel her, holding me, the same way she did on that day. I can smell the scent of her hair and feel the softness of her skin under the tips of my fingers when she held my hand and dragged me down to the beach to stand on the shore and stare out at the ocean.

If I do, then she is with me again, just like she always was.

Her name _is_ Noelle…

…and I _love_ her…

* * *

Anything you have to say is welcome! Review or flame as you like. I'll take what I can get but thanks for reading to those of you that did and will *hug*


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